Coming Up For Air

Oh my goodness, it has been a month since my last blog entry. What a worldwind month it has been! Since my last post, I've left my job, gone to the beach to visit my sister, been offered a part time teaching position at a local college, been training for the part time position I start with the domestic violence center, packed/unpacked/reorganized my home office, and preparing to head down to St Simons Island tomorrow. Whew!


I don't know if anyone is even still visiting me here. But if you are, thanks for checking in on me. (((Kathi))) Thank you for asking about me, and thinking about me. I"m going try to be better about posting more often.

My sister Judy is doing very well in her fight against ovarian cancer. She has finished six rounds of very aggressive chemo, has no hair, but is feeling great. Her doctors are very encouraged that her numbers look good, and her cat scans look good. They tell her they are very impressed with how good she looks and feels. She has handled chemo so well, and not had as bad a side effects as many do with the kind of chemo she has received. Her appetite has returned so she has gained about 10 pounds, which is really needed. And she says she can feel her strength and stamina returning with each new day. So we continue to hope, and pray for a miracle.

The family and I are leaving tomorrow morning for a week at St Simons Island, one my favorite places on earth. Each time I go, as we cross the causeway over to the island, I always feel myself exhale, breathe deeply, and my muscles relax. I need it bad!

Homewrecker

I think little brown Carolina Wrens are one of my favorite birds. I love how they are so litttle and round, and always seem so alert. I have another story for another day, about how a little Carolina wren came to see me once, at a sad time in my life....but thats for another time.

I was getting ready for work the other morning, and was happily watching through the French doors in my bedroom, two little wrens outside flitting around on my deck. When the time came to leave for work, as I was locking up, I noticed the two little wrens flitting around my grill and actually going in and out of the small vent hole in the hood of the grill. I thought perhaps they might be hungry, or could smell the grill, so perhaps they were looking for something to eat. I decided, since I was out of bird feed, that I would take some dried bread crumbs out to them and leave it on a small paper plate right outside the grill. As I started to place the plate of crumbs down below the grill, I noticed some "stuff" sticking out of the vent hole on the hood. I lifted the hood, and it was apparent that the little wrens were in the throes of building a nest. Since I was on my way to work, there wasn't time to do anything about it, so I just closed the hood of the grill and left.

When I got home that evening, the first thing I did was go out to the grill to have a look. When I lifted the hood, there was a completed, beautiful work of art. The nest was huge, and full. Funnel shaped with a little burrow way down deep into the nest. It was incredible how the the leaves, twigs, moss, even pine straw from my garden, were created in a perfectly circular design. Indeed it was a thing of beauty. And the wrens had done all that work in one day. When I left the house that morning they were just getting started and had merely a small handful of nest materials inside the grill.

I was so upset. I knew that we would have to move the nest because we are avid users of our grill. There was just no way to leave it there. I was so sad, imagining how distressing it must have been for the little wrens to have us open the hood, leave it open and later move the nest. My husband, in an act of kindness, attempted to make a surrogate house out of a box that I had saved from my new blender. He took two big sticks and a shovel and picked up the bird nest, so as not to touch it with his hands, and sat it on the white chair you see in the picture. Having cut a small hole in the box, the same size as the hole in the grill hood the birds were using, he sat the box down over the nest. All in the hopes that the little wrens might see it and figure it out. But they haven't been back. I feel so badly, disturbing their plans, wrecking the home they had readied, I'm sure for mama bird to get ready for babies. I keep hoping they will return to the box we made for them. But I'm sure they have made another nest, hopefully one that is bigger and better, somewhere else.

But the box and nest still sit there, hoping someone else will take advantage of it.

Happy May Day!

I love May Day! Its the promise that spring is here, the sun has warmed the earth, that God has awakened us, new and fresh, from the cold dark days of winter. May Day, it feels like revival!

I love the May Day tradition of leaving baskets of flowers on the door steps of those you love. I remember when I was just a little girl, my mom would help my sisters and I fix up little May Day baskets for our neighbors and family members. Sometimes they would be tiny little straw baskets that my mom or grandmother had picked up from somewhere, other times I can remember making the little baskets from construction paper. We would line the baskets with fresh grass, picked by little hands right out of our back yard. Then we would add fresh picked flowers, whatever was in bloom, from my mom and grandmother's garden. My maternal grandmother always lived with us, and she was an incredible gardener. I remember rows of rose bushes, full, fragrant, and colorful. I remember iris, and day lillies, and dahlia. And my daddy's azalea bushes, full of pink and white blooms in spring. But as a child, what I loved best were the tiny little wild violets that grew at the bottom of our backyard, under the shade of the big oaks. I thought those were the most beautiful little flowers. My sisters and I would play down there for hours, imagining ourselves as princesses, or orphans who lived in the woods with all the friendly animals (our ducks and cats and dogs played that part well).

Yes, May Day meant summer was just around the corner, the flowers were in bloom, and soon we would be swimming in our neighbor's small lake. And, May Day meant sharing that joy with neighbors and loved ones, in the form of sharing beauty. Celebrate!

My lover spoke and said to me, "Arise my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come; the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."
Song of Solomon 2:10-13
This is what I long to hear from the One who loves me.

Desires of the Heart

I can't recall that I've ever wanted anything so badly, that I literally ache for it. I mean, I've lusted after things before, and been very hopeful for things. But to really ache for something, and that something be one of those everyday (at least some might consider it everyday) gifts of nature, that we come to expect. Like having children. Most of us never know the feeling of wanting a baby, and for whatever reason, being told that we might not be able to have that. There are so many reasons, maybe unable to conceive, maybe its a health risk to the mother or the baby, maybe the time or circumstances just aren't right.

I have a close friend who is in this place right now. And, I'm stepping out there to guess that she also feels her biological clock ticking. She would desperately love to have a child, while she is still physically young enough. Please keep my friend in your prayers. She faces a few obstacles before she can even consider attempting to conceive. Pray that God might find it in his good and perfect will for her to have a healthy baby. And to remember that regardless of the outcome, God always has her best interests as the desires of His heart.

"Just Close Your Eyes

and jump, honey!" I remember those words my mama would say to me, as she treaded the deep water just below the diving board. "I'll catch you."

So today, I jumped, way out into the deep water. Only mama's not here, but I'm not alone. I told my boss today that I intend to resign my position. I have too many other things calling my name. I've worked 8 years in politics/government at this one organization. Before that I spent many years in higher education. I'm not one for big changes, especially where it affects my security. Some might call it a paycheck.

Funny how life changes, and begins to mold you into a different person. "Life happens." I think I saw that somewhere, maybe a bumper sticker or something. But my roles are changing, as I take on more care for my aging father, wanting to be more available for my sister, and just wanting to do things around my home, and for my family, and children, that I haven't had the chance to do before. Why suddenly do I feel that I need to fulfill a missed role of domestic goddess, or stay at home mom, or something like that? Its like a long lost desire, that was pushed way way down inside, and piled upon with stuff like career girl, money maker, independent woman, modern mom. Now, suddenly it's breaking through all the "stuff." And why now? When three fourths of my children are grown and out of the house, and my baby has become a teenager?

I don't have the answer. All I know is that now is the time. And part of me is giddy with excitement over this new season in my life. And the other part is scared as heck of the unknown. My friend says "Girl, you are giving up that salary? You are in the prime of your earning years." But what will that salary cost me? My soul? My time? My freedom? My last chance to grasp on to....what is it? Peace, and home, and stillness?

I'm glad I'm not out here in the deep all alone. I'm thankful that Jesus, through his Holy Spirit, makes himself known to me, and guides me and reassures me. "I am your provider." I feel like I am embarking on an unknown adventure with Him. And he has tons to show me, and to teach me. Lord, teach me to trust wholly in you. Open me up to your teachings and the lessons you will lay out for me. Let me be worthy of this blessing.

Fun Stuff

While I was on my so called "sabbatical" last week, my blogger friend Julie gave me this neat award. Thank you Julie! I've never received a blogger award before. It was a fun surprise.

Also, my friend Serah tagged me. I've never been tagged before either. So for fun, I'm going to keep up the tag. Here are the rules:

1. Link back to the person who tagged you.

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. Share six unimportant things about yourself.

4. Tag six random people at the end of your entry.

5. Let the six people know by leaving a comment on their blogs.

So, here are six things about me:

1. I hate sitting in a restaurant, or any other place where there are large objects hanging over my head. Objects like chandeliers, TVs mounted from the ceiling or wall, etc. I have this fear about the object falling and smushing me.

2. I drive too fast. Yes, I have a need for speed. I'm not a reckless driver, but I have a problem keeping it at 55.

3. I got a new digital camera for Christmas, a Canon S5IS, and I still haven't taken it out of the box.

4. When I was a teenager I wanted to be a photographer for National Geographic. You wouldn't know that now seein' as how I haven't even looked at my new camera. Shame on me...

5. I have about 7 specialty certifications in scuba diving. I use to love to dive, but haven't been in a few years now.

6. I love to hike in the woods in the winter time. Something about the cold air, the crunch under my shoes, the look of the bare trees. I love the woods and the mountains in winter. And I don't understand that because I don't even like the winter season.

I'm tagging:

Jennifer

Cathy

Julie

Jen

Kathi

Shelly

Just Playin' Around

Pardon moi, while I test something. I'm trying to learn to put a link with a name, or series of words. You techno types know what I mean. That sweet Serah at www.honeysuckleandcupcakes.blogspot.com (in case my link on her name doesn't work) told me how. But I posted this morning, a nice long post, with links, and it didn't work. So I'm sure I have a learning curve or something... Anyway...this is a test of the emergency broadcast blogger...

I hope a couple of my fellow bloggers don't mind if I used them as guinea pigs.

Kathi

Jennifer