Wednesday, April 23, 2008

"Just Close Your Eyes

and jump, honey!" I remember those words my mama would say to me, as she treaded the deep water just below the diving board. "I'll catch you."

So today, I jumped, way out into the deep water. Only mama's not here, but I'm not alone. I told my boss today that I intend to resign my position. I have too many other things calling my name. I've worked 8 years in politics/government at this one organization. Before that I spent many years in higher education. I'm not one for big changes, especially where it affects my security. Some might call it a paycheck.

Funny how life changes, and begins to mold you into a different person. "Life happens." I think I saw that somewhere, maybe a bumper sticker or something. But my roles are changing, as I take on more care for my aging father, wanting to be more available for my sister, and just wanting to do things around my home, and for my family, and children, that I haven't had the chance to do before. Why suddenly do I feel that I need to fulfill a missed role of domestic goddess, or stay at home mom, or something like that? Its like a long lost desire, that was pushed way way down inside, and piled upon with stuff like career girl, money maker, independent woman, modern mom. Now, suddenly it's breaking through all the "stuff." And why now? When three fourths of my children are grown and out of the house, and my baby has become a teenager?

I don't have the answer. All I know is that now is the time. And part of me is giddy with excitement over this new season in my life. And the other part is scared as heck of the unknown. My friend says "Girl, you are giving up that salary? You are in the prime of your earning years." But what will that salary cost me? My soul? My time? My freedom? My last chance to grasp on to....what is it? Peace, and home, and stillness?

I'm glad I'm not out here in the deep all alone. I'm thankful that Jesus, through his Holy Spirit, makes himself known to me, and guides me and reassures me. "I am your provider." I feel like I am embarking on an unknown adventure with Him. And he has tons to show me, and to teach me. Lord, teach me to trust wholly in you. Open me up to your teachings and the lessons you will lay out for me. Let me be worthy of this blessing.


boston terrier mommy said...

I think you are really going to enjoy this new adventure. I'm glad you see that God is opening the doors for this to happen.

Beaufort Belle said...

Personally, I am very proud of you!! I know you have struggled with this for quite some time, and I think the decision was made completely with God's blessing!! You can't go wrong when you keep with the Lord and it is always in His time. Well now, it is His time and thustly, your time! God Bless you in your new season.

I Love You Miss Rebecca!!,

(email me when you get a chance, I got a prayer request for you)

kathi said...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11. One of my favorite verses :).

Congratulations to you! I know you will be missed terribly at your job but there are always job opportunities to find. I know God will fill your life with joy as you spend this precious time with your family and friends.

Blessings to you!
Kathi :)

sheila said...

I can't wait for you to begin this new page of your life :)...I'm just excited for you!

Julie said...

HE is with you and HE will provide!
You have just taken a huge leap of faith and one that you felt called to do. Keep trusting Him! He truly knows the plans He has for you and you're going along happily!
I so very happy for you!
Many Blessings,